2018 ~ When tragedy struck …

THE YEAR THAT CHANGED MY LIFE … 

Everywhere I look these days, people are busy summing up their 2018. Old memories being re-lived, new resolutions being made, lots of excitement in the air as the countdown to a brand new year begins ….

Yet here I am struggling to find courage to sum up my year. It started off on a good note but ended on a sad one as it was the year I said my final goodbye to my father. I was pretty sure this was something I did not want to share on a public platform. But it wasn’t until my best friend went back home to meet her parents for xmas messaged to tell me how my recent events had made her closer to her parents. Hearing that really moved me, and encouraged me to write about it hoping it would also make you pick up the phone and call your parents to tell them how much you love them.  Trust me, one phone call is all it takes to make them happy for the rest of the day ….

It was a perfectly normal day in October. I carried on with my usual routine and had made movie plans with a friend for the night as Ahmed was out of town that weekend. I was in the cinema with a friend looking for our seats when I received an unexpected call from my Mum. I thought it was a routine call, but as soon as I heard her say ‘hello’ my alarm bells set off. I knew immediately something was wrong but I was certainly not expecting to hear what followed. My father had passed away.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Though my world had come crashing down with the news, I still remember the first thing I asked my Mum being ‘Was it peaceful?’ Once she confirmed it was, there was a strange sense of calm that came over me. The next few hours were spent answering more phone calls, booking my flight and packing some last minute stuff as I made my way to see my father one last time.

I had spoken to my father the night before he had passed away. It was a perfectly fun and normal conversation ranging from cricket to what was for dinner to how much he was looking forward to my trip in December. That was always our favourite month when we spent quality time with each other with plenty of chit chat, movie nights at home, ordering in plenty of delicacies the city had to offer and my golden opportunity to take care of my parents as much as I possibly could.

That short 1 hour 30 minutes flight felt like the longest one that day as I sat feeling comfortably numb. I didn’t know what to think at that point so I decided to go through pictures on my phone. Although there were a gazillion pics to go through, I realised that last selfie I took with my father was the best one. It clearly showed the beautiful bond we shared – him being the loving father he was who faced everything with that sweet smile of his, and me holding on to him dearly being ‘Daddy’s little girl‘ I have always been …

My father lived a wonderful life and was loved by many. He taught me many valuable lessons during his lifetime – to never give up, to be positive at all times, and to always stay strong no matter what. It’s almost as if he was preparing me for what was to come. But guys, trust me when I say nothing can prepare you for what you feel when the time actually comes. They say time heals everything. I say the pain lasts forever but one just learns to live with it. The void within you will always remain.

It’s December again and time for me to travel back home. It still feels incredibly hard to believe my father won’t be there this time, waiting for my phone call to tell him we landed safely and also to ask ‘phir kab milnay aa rahi ho?‘ (So when are you coming to meet me?) in his usual loving way. If only I can hear his voice one more time …..

My sincere apologies if this post made you emotional today. But this is a reality of life all of us will have to face at some point in our lives. The intention behind it was to tell you if you are still blessed enough to have parents in your life then please do not take them for granted and include them in your new year resolution. Love them unconditionally and take care of them the way they always took care of you. Don’t rely on tomorrow when today is still not over.

I’d also like to say a massive thank you from the depths of my heart to all who have stood by me during this difficult time. It would be impossible to mention everyone but I would like to name 3 ~ Ahmed, Alina and Tania. Ahmed, you’ve been my rock as I grieved my father. Alina and Tania, I can’t recall a single day to date when you haven’t messaged me to make sure I was doing ok. The kind of love and support I’ve been shown has been remarkable.

Pa, you may not be physically amongst us today, but you will live in our hearts forever.  Thank you for your unconditional love. No words can measure up to how much I miss you every single day. I feel proud and blessed to be your daughter. Until we meet again ….

The End.

34 thoughts on “2018 ~ When tragedy struck …

  1. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I profoundly feel the depth of your pain, as I just lost my mom two weeks ago. This is our first Christmas without her, and it’s hard to come to terms with. I’m here for you during this challenging time. Much love to you right now ❤❤❤

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  2. Munaaaaaaaa…. I honestly don’t know what to say…. I suppose I have got tears in my eyes that explains it all.. as you said… nothing can heal the pain but the only way would be to learn to live with it… I am so apologetic for not being there as much as I should have been… but loads of hugs for you babe!!! Keep it strong! It will make uncle happy too😘😍😘 so proud of you!!

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  3. Muna just read the blog and offcourse it made me extremely emotional … very well written, you have the skill mashallah and i think it somewhat helps you cop with the grief too but i am sure you are still struggling everyday. Only somebody who have lost a parent know the depth of this grief (and for me, only when you loose both you know that grief, it’s not 1+1=2 it’s 1+1=100) having a parent who is sick not doing well is offcourse traumatizing and stressful, but to have your loved one cross the bridge from this world to the other when you can’t even expat a miracle to happen to fix everything, it’s a completely different deal. There are no words that define that feeling but I agree when I lost my parents I wanted to tell everybody who still had them to love and cherish the time with them. Prayers for you dad and your family

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  4. Such a beautiful article. Loved it. Can well imagine the pain of landing in Karachi and not getting that expected phone call. Thank you so much for sharing this. It certainly reminds me to be grateful to Allah for having my mom with me.

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  5. I am so very sorry for your loss. The first Christmas without a parent is hard.
    We lost my Mum in January and the following months were horrible. Today, we lit a candle for Mum, my FIL who died in January 2004 and my Dad who died the day after my 40th birthday in 1996. We do it often, but especially today. They are always with us, never forgotten, and very, very loved.
    I phoned my brother in NZ this morning, and my uncle (Mum’s brother) rang me today as they no longer send Christmas cards. He will be 90 in July.

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    1. Thank you! I am so sorry for your loss. Losing one parent is hard enough so I can’t even imagine to go through it all over again. But I loved reading about how you still make them all a part of your life esp on special occasions. Much much love to you! ❤️

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      1. ❤ thank you.
        I was priviledged to be with my Dad when he passed away. I was 250 odd miles away when we lost Mum. She looks back a me from the mirror every day. I write about them often, and one of my best posts for each of them I think is Daddy's Little Girl and I am my Mother's Other Daughter. I miss them both, but they are never far away from my thoughts.

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      2. I was initially quite sad coz I wasn’t with my father in the end. But then I don’t think I would have been strong enough to see him breathe his last.

        I love the title of your blog posts. Am going to go read them now. Thanks for sharing. ❤️

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      3. I was holding Dad’s hand. I was glad I was there and that he was surrounded by love. I believe my sister was with my Mum. I said my final goodbyes on the day of the funeral. I put four red roses in with Mum, a little note from me and 2 dog biscuits from Maggie. I sang my heart out in the chapel.
        Wind beneath my Wings was one of Mum’s favourites she liked ot hear me play and I play it often.

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      4. That’s so touching! My Dad was surrounded by my Mum, 2 sisters and my Aunt at the time. It all happened so quick! But it has got to be the toughest thing ever to see a parent pass away in front you. You are so strong! ❤️

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  6. Gosh, this was so emotional Muna. The thought of our parents not being there is such a frightening feeling. May Allah make it easy on everyone who’s going through these difficult times.. parents are such a blessing. This has made me want to hug my parents right away.. 😔 Sending a big bear hug and lots of love your way 💗

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  7. Once again u brought tears to my eyes. I wish i could have done more then just msg u. Although i haven’t passed through this pain yet i very much know and dread it.

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  8. Dearest Muna, after reading this article, I am totally lost for words. To even begin thinking of the pain, you and all my friends who have lost either one or both parents must feel leaves me breathless … I am soooooo sorry for your loss once again. I can’t even imagine and don’t want to either, the thought just is so painful and heart wrenching. May Allah swt give uncle the highest place in Jannah. MashaAllah the way you have dealt with it from the time you got the phone call, may Allah swt reward you immensely for your sabr. Sending your way loads of hugs and duas 💞. I thought of you so many times and still didn’t even manage to send you a message, I am so so soooo sorry for that! 😔but you have been in my duas

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  9. positivity and strength the most precious knowledge imparted by your father …parents are indeed precious… may your father be blessed with highest ranks in jannah and may we all be blessed with an opportunity to do the most we can for our parents ameen

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  10. The loss of a parent is devastatingly painful. I am sorry for your loss. A parent is such a cherish being in our lives. When I lost my parents, my father first and many years later my mom, I felt like an orphan at first. A weird sensation.
    At my age, many have gone before me. Grief come and goes, some days are harder than others.
    The beautiful presence of their spirit remain with me always.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I could relate to every word you said. Even the happy times feel a bit incomplete without one of them being there. It’s a feeling I’m still trying to adjust to. Luckily I have many fond memories which make the good days outnumber the bad one’s. But as you said, sometimes it’s just hard. It’s still a learning process for me and have been writing about it as I go along so that others can learn from it too. I’ve tried to explain grief to the one’s who haven’t experienced it yet in my latest post. Thank you so much for your kind words. xx

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